I’m imagining myself walking through the plaza at Salamanca, Spain. Stopping for a scoop of ice cream at one of several locations. It’s delicious, even in the cool weather. I pull my jacket tighter; the sky looks like it’s going to rain soon. I’m on my way home; I just spent the day shopping. I enjoy the walk home, appreciating the old buildings, the history behind every wall.
I get home to my apartment, set my shopping bags down in the living room, take off my shoes, change into my pajamas, and sit on the couch. I turn on the radio to almost a whisper, I pull out my computer from its case and I start to write.
I’ve always admired the beauty and history of cities like San Francisco, but never had I fallen in love with a place so much as I fell in love with Salamanca. I can imagine living my days like this, passing through the plaza every single day, missing it when I wasn’t there… As I am now, missing it 5,600 miles away.
Do you like me because I smile? Sometimes I don’t smile with all the worries I carry around.
Do you like me for my laugh? Because I can be a real hyena.
Are you attracted to my kind nature? Sometimes I tend to be brutally honest and just plain cruel.
Do you like me for my positive attitude? Because I tend to have three negative thoughts for each positive.
Do you like me because I’m motivated? Sometimes all I want to do is stay in bed and watch Netflix.
Are you attracted to my smarts? Because sometimes I can’t remember what’s 7*6.
Do you like me because I have goals? Sometimes I want to give up and live in the woods.
Do you like me because I’m mature? Because sometimes I’ll spend the morning watching PBS.
Are you attracted to me because I’m healthy? Sometimes all I have for dinner is chips.
Do you like me because I’m cute? Because sometimes my hair just doesn’t care.
Do you like me because I’m organized? Sometimes I can’t even find my computer.
Are you attracted to me because I’m clean and neat? Because sometimes I have to drink milk in a wine class because you know…dishes.
Do you like me because I’m strong? Sometimes I just get home and cryin bed.
Do you like me because I cook? Because Carl’s Jr.
Posted in life, relations
Tagged attitude, contradictions, goals, healthy, kind, laugh, mature, motivated, questions, smile, strong
I fear phone calls.
I want you to care but not worry.
I want to read with no interruptions.
I want to be in solitude.
I fear seeing people if I walk outside to throw the trash.
I want to binge watch my favorite shows.
I want to write my day away.
I want to sleep.
I fear a knock at the door.
I want eat out, but I dont want speak.
I want to stay in bed.
I want complete silence.
I fear getting stuck in small talk when I check the mail.
I want to be at the beach.
I want to sing out loud and dance.
I want to take care of myself.
I fear to run out of milk and have to go out there.
will I still wish you were here?
will I still wish I had your shoulder to cry on?
will I still hope you come back and apologize?
will I still feel sick to my stomach every time i think about not being with you?
will I still take every opportunity alone to cry at night?
will the thought of moving on without you still scare me a little?
will I still think I love you?
will I still wish it doesn’t rain so I don’t have to remember how you kissed me in the rain?
will I still end every night and start every morning drowning in thoughts about you?
will I still hope?
Or will it finally be the day you are just a memory that can no longer bring tears rolling down my face?