I realized I was pretending, I had employed the false smile to make myself think I was okay. And I hate myself a little for that, I don’t like to lie to myself but I felt I had to. I felt I had no other choice or I would have broken down completely.
I lived in denial of my pain and my love. I’ve known I loved you but I never explained what that means to me.
I loved you for your soul, a kind of love I never imagined. A love so strong it hurt months after you left, a love I cannot imagine feeling again.
One day, after months of being friends, I saw you in a different light, I looked at you and I knew you were my soul mate. I knew we were meant to cross paths, to see each other at least once in this lifetime, even if we messed things up our souls were meant to be together. That’s how I loved you. Even if you didn’t realize it or never heard me say those words, I loved you unconditionally, for everything you were and ever would be. You understood me, you knew how to comfort me, and you were romantic, sexy, and intelligent. You were everything I didn’t even know I wanted.
Ever since I saw the real you I cannot undo anything, I cannot stop thinking, I cannot forget, I cannot go back to one year ago when I didn’t know you existed, when my life was set, when I thought I knew what my life would be like right now. You’ve changed everything about me and the way I see the world for better and for worse.